The Real Life Spouse Stories is part of InDependent’s Wellness Unfiltered™. It’s a platform for military spouses to share their struggles with tougher wellness topics. They’re sharing these stories to help with their healing, open up conversations so other military spouses know that they aren’t alone, provide resources to people struggling with something similar, and help the community know how to better help others who are going through difficult wellness issues.
Have you ever noticed the things you fear the most almost never happen? Me too. In fact, when something negative finally does happen, I almost always find myself blindsided. I’m not the only one, but this story isn’t about me. This story is about transition, endurance, survival, recovery, and ultimately acceptance. It’s about a woman, a wife, a mother, and most importantly: the fact that Sybil is still here.
This story begins just as Sybil was focusing on “Mamas and Coffee,” a project dedicated to empowering women. It was through this project, which incorporated a Facebook group and a website, that she decided to also create “MilSpouse Conversations”; a business focused more on catering to military families. The organization held, among other things, live events. Needless to say, with these projects in addition to her family obligations, saying she had her hands full would be an understatement.
The Atomic Change-Up
On April 17th, 2021 life decided to toss Sybil a curve-ball, a stroke. Ok so, maybe calling a stroke a curve-ball is underselling the situation. Maybe I should say life threw her an atomic change-up. In any case, it would adjust the trajectory of many aspects of her life.
You want to know what else was going on that day? Her husband’s going away party. They were living in Washington D.C. but had recently received orders for San Diego. So that morning she got up, took her daughter to equestrian training (bet you didn’t think horses would be mentioned in this story), came home, bellowed at her children to clean their messes, “washed her ass”*, and took a nap. When she got up, she got dressed and headed out to the brewery, which is where this story gets exciting.
While attending the event, Sybil drank a small amount of beer, something that will come into play later. She was socializing and never noticed anything wrong. At some point during the gathering her husband looked over at her and noticed she had a “blank look” on her face. Two people with whom she was speaking noticed her speech begin to slur. They told her husband who then noticed a facial droop. He immediately recognized the signs of a stroke. It was at this point Sybil decided to make a dramatic exit, by falling face-first into a table.
After arriving at the hospital, staff administered tPA (Tissue Plasminogen Activator), an IV administered medication designed to break up clots during an ischemic stroke. Unfortunately, the treatment was only partially successful. Sybil was then transported to another hospital to undergo a thrombectomy, which was a success. Side note: a blood clot is known as a thrombus (or thrombi for plural). Sybil’s first memory was of a nurse asking her name and if she knew where she was. At one point she remembers being told to use the catheter when all she wanted to do was get up and use the bathroom. Speech and physical therapy started during her initial hospital stay.
The cause of Sybil’s stroke was determined to be caused by carotid webbing. Because I’m no doctor, and Googling “carotid webbing” left me a bit confused, I decided to ask my friend Dr. Appleton if he could try to explain it in layman’s terms. He said, “It’s basically like the carotid started thinking about making a valve, like we have in veins, by mistake. It’s a little extra tissue in what should just be a tube so it’s prone to clots more easily.” I feel it is important to point out that, though his summary may help us understand it a bit better, keep in mind he is a trained doctor trying to explain a complex situation to people with little to no experience in the medical arena. So, if you’re an expert, cut the summarization some slack.
The Invisible Hurdles of Recovery
Sybil told me the hardest part of recovery was the mental aspect. She developed a fear of having issues in public. One example she gave was a time when she got stuck in an aisle at a grocery store. She remembers not knowing what to do. Another example was the time she was checking out at a store and completely forgot how to pay at the register. Imagine that for a moment. Something you always did without thinking suddenly has to be relearned; not just for one or two things, but for everyday tasks.
Needless to say, her husband could not leave for San Diego as planned. They eventually left but only after doctors cleared Sybil for travel in July of the same year. Her treatment continued in San Diego and her husband was removed from sea duty. It was after the move, however, that things started getting really bad. In addition to the challenges she faced during recovery with her memory and movement, she started having emotional dysregulation issues. She didn’t leave the house much without her husband. To the point that her husband became concerned with how much of a “homebody” she had become.
She recalls getting so frustrated with people constantly worrying about her. Constantly asking if she was ok, treating her like she couldn’t do things for herself. It was only after most of that stopped that she realized she needed the extra support. She found that speaking to people with similar experiences helped a lot. She was able to find online support groups but would often encounter issues with time zones. Then, about two years ago, Sybil says things started trending up. Fast forward to today, Sybil still faces challenges but she is gradually improving both mentally and physically. Telling her story is a “Mixture of bringing awareness and a sort of therapy.”
Lessons for the Support System
I asked Sybil what she wanted you, the reader, to take from her story. She wants everyone to know that it can happen to anyone, anywhere. She wants you to remember that not all scars are visible. She says, “To someone who is reading who may have someone in their lives who had a stroke – listen, stop trying to fix things. Be supportive but do not try to rush their recovery time.” She especially hates it when people say things like, “You don’t look like you’ve had a stroke.” It’s extremely dismissive. Knock it off.
Introducing Sybil 2.0
Sybil has accepted this new version of her, Sybil 2.0 as she calls herself. I thoroughly enjoyed our more than six hours of conversations. To be honest, two-thirds of that time was spent talking about everything but this article. She is so wonderful to talk to, and I hope you found her story informative. These days you can find Sybil 2.0 on her website, mamasandcoffee.com, where she has a segment called “Stroke Talks”. Not all stories get a happy ending. Thankfully, this one did.
*At InDependent Wellness, we value authentic stories and honor the diverse voices in our community. The thoughts, opinions, and language shared in this interview are those of the contributor. To preserve the context and true spirit of their experience, we have included their unedited statements as requested.
ABOUT TOBY
Toby Ralph is a military spouse, father, and physical health advocate. As a personal trainer and natural bodybuilding coach, his focus is improving mental wellbeing through physical fitness. Gaining control over your mental and physical health is key to successfully navigating the stressors you face daily.
