The InDependent Wellness Summit is our free annual online event for all military and first responder spouses – past, present, and future. Learn more about the program here.
The theme of this year’s InDependent Wellness Summit was Cultivate Connections, and Day four gave us insights about connecting to our home environment and also to ourselves by nourishing our mind and body. It reminded us that wellness isn’t just about habits—it can also be about resilience, creativity, and joy and how healing can come from those things.
CULTIVATE JOY THROUGH CHANGE – TOYA CHERI
Toya Cheri served 22 years in the US Air Force, leading and developing people. By the end of her career, though, she was experiencing severe occupational burnout and then depression upon the tragic loss of her father. After struggling for about a year, she was scrolling through social media late one night and came across the “one room challenge,” where people renovate one room, posting their journey along the way.
The decision to join the challenge became a turning point in her life, which led to the creation of her account, ‘She Moves With Purpose.’ She found this creative outlet in DIY projects, where every new skill learned increased her resilience and strength, bringing healing and allowing her to find a purpose in bringing joy to others.
Toya’s interview explored multiple themes, from handling military life as a parent and as a family to tips for making transitory spaces and rental homes more like a home to counseling and ways to focus on your mental health. This sounds like a list of unrelated topics, right? But really, it gave such depth to the interview.
While both she and her husband were on active duty, they prioritized open communication with their children. They held regular family meetings to discuss important events like deployments or upcoming moves. They wanted to answer questions and talk everything through so the kids would have a better understanding, and they wanted them to feel that they had an important role in their life as a military family. She said, “So for us it was just really important to have that open conversation with them, to let them know that they were a part of everything that was going on, and that it wasn’t something that they just had to deal with because they were just the kids. “
Feeling like they don’t have a lot of control can make it difficult for military kids to adjust to transitions and the absence of the parent on active duty. It was inspiring listening to Toya’s experience and how they really worked together as a family to deal with the ups and downs of military life.
Next, Toya talked about how to make your spaces feel more like home, especially if you’re in a rental or military housing where you’re really limited on what you can do. Did you know that there’s such a thing as no-drill blinds? I didn’t! She also said that lighting is one of the biggest ways to transform a space and encouraged us not to be afraid of changing out light fixtures. She said you can always change them back just like you can repaint walls back to the original color before you move.
She also talked about her journey with mental health. She said so many people, especially veterans, are conditioned to think about mental health in an unhelpful way, like not seeking help and not talking about it or not letting anyone know that they’re struggling. She asked us all to check in with our friends and loved ones and have “consistent conversations” and help remove the stigma around mental health.
It was really uplifting to hear her talk about having grace with yourself, and even though it is sometimes hard, to keep going and show up for yourself.
“It’s okay for one day for you to just be on it, and you know, you are just going out there knocking things out. And then tomorrow be like – I don’t want to get out of bed, and I don’t want to do anything. But the most important thing about that is not giving up even when you are down. It’s okay to stop; it’s okay to pause, but don’t just completely quit. Because success never happens if you do things only on the days you feel like doing them.” -Toya Cheri
As she talked about how working with her hands, the learning and creativity involved in DIY, and how that was so important in her healing, she encouraged everyone to find “whatever that thing is that brings you joy. When you start doing that consistently, man, I tell you, it changes you internally and externally.” I think that is great advice, especially for military spouses.
CULTIVATE MINDFUL NOURISHMENT – KATE LYMAN
Kate Lyman is a fitness and nutrition expert based in Oaxaca, Mexico where she helps clients around the globe through her nutrition coaching practice. The overarching message of her interview was, “There is no amount of effort that is so small it doesn’t matter.” She said it is human nature to “go big,” but we set ourselves up for failure when we set massive expectations and try to do it all at once.
She gave us gentle reminders. You don’t have to try to find an hour a day multiple days a week to get enough exercise. You don’t have to follow the latest exercise trend. You don’t have to follow a specific diet philosophy or trend. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You don’t have to do things the same way you’ve been doing them, especially when your circumstances change – like when you move to a new location and your access to a gym or quality food may change.
Kate’s advice was to start with small steps, “getting started steps,” and build on those when you can. She said to choose anything that is simple that you can fit in your day, that you can consistently do, and on days when you can and do a little more than that, you can motivate yourself by counting it as extra credit. Once you are doing your small getting-started steps consistently, then you can decide how you want to change and grow a little more. Another simple idea she gave was, instead of meeting friends for coffee or drinks, get the coffee to go and go on a walking date. You can build connections and your health at the same time.
One part of the interview that really stuck out to me was when Kate talked about being comfortable in our bodies. She was really clear that she wasn’t talking about how we look but how we feel. She suggested that being comfortable helps us with the uncomfortable.
“Being more comfortable in our bodies also opens us up to being more comfortable to other experiences, more comfortable with getting a little more uncomfortable, whether that’s in a social situation or physically or whatever that looks like. I do think it’s an important first step.” -Kate Lyman
As military spouses, we are often in new and potentially uncomfortable situations, trying to meet new people and trying to navigate a new location and community, or even handling everything solo. Kate’s approach is something to think about to strengthen ourselves for those aspects of military life.
When it comes to food, Kate gave a lot of great advice about nutrition and how to build a balanced, healthy plate. She also applied the philosophy of small steps to nutrition. Even when we are in times of transition and our access and food options change, we can focus on small, doable steps. An example she gave was that even though the available proteins and vegetables might differ from place to place (especially overseas!), you can consistently prepare two types of protein ahead of time for your weekly meals.
All of us have had different models about nutrition and fitness in our lives. Kate tells us that we have the opportunity to change any unhelpful messages. You can approach food and fitness in a way where things aren’t a punishment, where things aren’t labeled as bad. We can talk with our children and our family about food and movement in a positive way. You can make trying new things fun for your family. It is refreshing to hear that we don’t have to perpetuate the past.
Overall, Kate gave a lot of great advice about how to be flexible about nutrition and fitness given the uncertainty and change in military life while still maintaining core healthy habits. Her last piece of advice:
“We, as humans, are making a lot of decisions. All the time. All day. Decision fatigue is a real thing. So if we are making decisions all day about work, and life, and kids, and this and that, and packing, and moving, or whatever, we don’t have a lot of decision making left over for our food choices. But if we have minimums that are guiding us, or if we have these habits that guide us, we don’t have to make as many decisions. Some of the decisions are already made for us, and that can be really, really helpful.” -Kate Lyman
Listening to the interviews on day four was like having your best friend talk to you, giving you great advice, reminding you that you can do anything, you are strong, you are capable – and you don’t have to be perfect.
ABOUT MARA
Mara is a veteran and also a military spouse of 25 years. When she isn’t busy dreaming up ways to help InDependent serve more and more military spouses, you can find her outside with the chickens, guinea hens, and a puppy and in the garden on her small farm.
