The InDependent Wellness Summit is our free annual online event for all military and first responder spouses – past, present, and future. Learn more about the program here.
InDependent’s Wellness Summit is always an exciting time of year. I am honored to provide a recap of two insightful interviews featured throughout the week. As always, the Wellness Summit discussions deeply resonated with me.
CULTIVATE OPEN COMMUNICATION – ZACH WATSON
The first interview, “Cultivating Open Communication” with Zach Watson, explored the essential role of communication in relationships. While we understand that communication is key to a lasting relationship, that doesn’t make it easy. Sometimes, we don’t have words to express our feelings or what we are experiencing mentally and emotionally. Zach introduces couples to practical concepts that help them better explain their daily stresses more effectively to each other. One particularly impactful topic he discussed was the “invisible mental load.”
This concept was new to me but instantly relatable. Zach defines the invisible mental load as a woman’s unseen cognitive load. From my own experience, my brain never seems to rest, constantly juggling grocery lists, bills, school, and extracurricular activities that seem to creep up out of nowhere. This mental load, often unseen by spouses, can be overwhelming. Like many others, I haven’t always had the words to express or communicate my mental load to my husband. Zach’s discussion provided me with new ways to communicate these stresses and strengthen our relationship.
Zach also challenged the common phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” He stopped using it when he realized the pressure it placed on his wife. Husbands genuinely want to support their spouses but may unknowingly add stress by asking too many questions or offering too many choices, leading to decision fatigue. It feels supportive to ask your spouse what they want, whether it is what to have for dinner or what help they need around the house, but it adds to their mental load when they have to think through all the options in their head to find an answer. Zach gave this simple advice; he suggested not asking open-ended questions but instead asking the question with multiple-choice answers and even going so far as to “pre-circle” one of the answers by saying which option you like.
“The decision fatigue of choosing an answer can even be let go of. You just pre-circle one of the answers for them so they can say “sure.” Your partner can say “sure” instead of having to come up with an answer; they have to fill the blank slate. If I can give you one simple thing, like all of my coaching packed up into one sentence: Ask less open response questions, more multiple choice questions with a default answer.”
– Zach Watson
I have personally experienced decision fatigue more often than I’d like to admit, but this interview gave me tools to better communicate my needs to my husband.
While moving deeper into the interview, Zach addressed another critical topic, which was breaking relationship norms shaped by cultural expectations, particularly within military families. The military lifestyle reinforces messages such as:
- “Mission first; everything revolves around the military.”
- “The service members can come and go as they need, even when not on a mission.”
These cultural beliefs can push military spouses into default mode, carrying the family’s mental load. This dynamic often creates unspoken roles that can strain relationships. Zach provides advice for how military couples can navigate these challenges through open communication.
Deployment is another hurdle we need to jump. How do we communicate and stay connected during and after deployment? Zach suggested some creative ways to keep our deployed spouses up to speed on household changes that happened while they were gone. One idea that stood out was recording video messages to show how routines, like bedtime schedules, have evolved. This simple but fun strategy can help ease the transition back into family life.
Having been through multiple deployments, I know that each one presents unique challenges. With another deployment quickly approaching, I look forward to applying some of Zach’s insights to help our family navigate this year ahead.
CULTIVATE FINANCIAL WELLNESS – LOUVENIA LOCKLEAR
Moving into the second interview, I found that the Wellness Summit did not disappoint. Louvenia Locklear gave an insightful interview on “Cultivating Financial Wellness.” Louvenia shared how changing her relationship with money improved her mental wellness, inspiring her to help others regain financial hope.
Financial discussions can be uncomfortable for many couples. Louvenia highlights how financial avoidance negatively affects mental health and can lead to broader relationship struggles. Given that finances are the second leading cause of divorce, this issue is particularly significant for military families, who already face unique stressors.
One of the most eye-opening concepts she introduces is the “money story.” This refers to how our upbringing shapes our financial habits. Understanding our own and our spouse’s money stories, which are often different, can help us better navigate financial decisions together. This was an “aha” moment for me. Our money stories can be rewritten, and small, intentional steps can lead to lasting change.
Louvenia provided practical steps for tackling debt:
- Identify your “why” – Your motivation for getting out of debt doesn’t have to match your spouse’s, but understanding each other’s reasons is important.
- Assess your financial situation – Compare your income to your expenses.
- Eliminate unnecessary costs – Cancel subscriptions you don’t need.
- Create a budget and track spending – This helps you stay accountable and make informed decisions.
She also shared free military resources and budgeting apps. I have personally used the free version of the EveryDollar app for over five years. While the initial setup takes time, it has been invaluable for managing our budget. It’s worth trying!
Perhaps the most inspiring takeaway was Louvenia’s message:
“Believe in yourself, believe you can make progress.”
– Louvenia Locklear
She emphasizes that this process is about progress over perfection, reminding us to focus on where we are rather than where we think we should be.
Participating in events like the Wellness Summit is crucial for strengthening military families. A key theme in both interviews was the power of communication, whether about stress, mental loads, or finances. I hope that military couples can embrace this lifestyle they have chosen and find healthy, constructive ways to communicate and support each other.
ABOUT MICHELLE
Michelle Ann is a proud military spouse to a Navy Diver and homeschool mom to her three energetic boys. She has a Bachelor’s in Language Arts and Psychology, along with a Master’s in Elementary Education. Her love for writing finds outlets in freelance projects and teaching. She loves to encourage military families by volunteering for the content team at InDependent. Her philosophy over the years has become “Embrace Life” because you never know what opportunities will come your way!
