The InDependent Wellness Summit is our free annual online event for all military and first responder spouses – past, present, and future. Learn more about the program here.
Day 5 of the InDependent Wellness Summit wraps things up in some of the best ways. We have been inspired all week with strong and inspiring interviews about Cultivating Connections in our daily lives as military spouses. We have been inspired by listening and learning about ways to cultivate meaningful relationships, personal goals, community connections, and so much more. And day 5 was no exception to the inspiration!
CULTIVATE CREATIVITY– MARIA REED
Our last day here at the InDependent Wellness Summit was bittersweet for me, for sure. Not only have we had amazing inspiration throughout the week, but now it is wrapping up. The day started with one of my favorite military spouse advocates, Maria Reed, Founder and TV personality of Moving with the Military, where she takes spaces in the homes of military families and transforms them into spaces that speak to those service members.
Maria is not a stranger to the word NO. She has heard this a lot over the years, and she speaks on her history and background, moving from film to military spouse, to becoming a stay-at-home mom, to working in schools and teaching, and then realizing she wanted to do more and cultivate something just for herself. She explained how she takes any ‘no’ and turns it into a positive: “You hear NO” in this industry so much, and it can be very discouraging, but you can’t let it get to you. And I think in any industry you can’t let it get to you. You have to pivot and figure out another way. Maybe that isn’t the way that it needs to work; I need to look at it from a different perspective. But one thing you can’t do is give up. Try something different. Figure out another way, but keep moving forward. You need to have this trajectory of moving forward. You cannot stand still or let it get to you.”
So Moving with the Military was born! Over 100 families’ homes and lives have been transformed throughout the last several years as Maria has traveled around the country. Maria shares some tips on how she feels we can all cultivate our spaces as military and first-responder families.
“I think the biggest thing is about decluttering your space. We have so much stuff, and living in an over-consumption society can lead us to believe that we need to have all this stuff in order to be happy, to be healthy, to be successful, to be whatever ‘to be’ is. And it’s not about the stuff; you have to dig deeper. When you start decluttering and moving things out, you’re actually making room for the things that you truly need. I think it begins with making room, and you’ve got to make room for yourself. I was talking with a professional organizer who said that in your closet, you only wear 20% of the clothing that you have. 80% of it you either wear very rarely or you don’t wear it at all.”
-Maria Reed
Ever felt this way when preparing for a PCS? I know I have!
She goes on to discuss that everyone who’s done these deep declutters, these deep purges, can create space for what you need. Not just what your kids or your spouse needs, but about you. “And that, I think, is the hardest part for military spouses to do – I need to do this for me. Because I do for everybody else. But you can’t forget yourself. And that decluttering gives you almost the permission that says – Okay, you’ve done step one, now what else are you going to do?”
Maria also shares her word of the year! Do you have one of those? Many find it to be more motivating than resolutions in their lives. “My word for 2025 is ‘priorities’ because I was not prioritizing the things I should have been.”
Even though her busy schedule has not changed much this year, she reports that somehow she has been able to carve out time to now be able to go work out and take care of herself. Why? Priorities. Finding the space for what is important to her.
Towards the end of her message, Maria shares 5 things people can start to do easily today that lead them towards bringing beauty and wellness into their life:
- Give yourself grace. Forgive yourself. Because I think we hold on to this guilt that if I can’t do it all at one time, I am bad… You’re not. Give yourself grace. We are all dealing with so many different things.
- Take the first step. What is that step? What is it like for you?
- Find something that you love. Whatever it is, do some of that a little bit, even if you just start for 5 minutes every day. Do it. It’s allowing you to express yourself in some way that you are passionate about.
- Look at what you’re eating. If you can, start pulling it out. It doesn’t have to be a whole overhaul…One step at a time; take those steps and eat better.
- Communicate. Communicate your feelings to your spouse, to your children, to your friends. Talk. Get those feelings out because you may not even know that you’re feeling those things.
When you start implementing all those things, you have now made space for yourself, not only for yourself but you will see the difference in your family. It’s powerful.
Which one do you think you can implement today?
CULTIVATE STRENGTH DURING TRANSITIONS – JOANNE LIPMAN
The second interview on this last day for the Summit dives into cultivating our lives within our transitions. Not just transitions from base to base or station to station, but transitions in all aspects of our lives. This is a passion of Joanne Lipman, as she is a best-selling author of Next: The Power of Reinvention in Life and Work, as well as a motivational speaker and journalist. She has dedicated her life to helping others work together, foster diverse organizations, and reinvent themselves in their transitions.
Joanne wastes no time in the interview and starts off with what she calls the “Reinvention Roadmap”. She believes these four steps are a part of nearly every transition, and knowing these can help you go through the process more smoothly and with intention. Those four steps are: search, struggle, stop, and solution.
She described the first step this way: “The first step, search, is when you start collecting information- collecting expertise. What’s fascinating about this stage is that, very often, you don’t even know you’re in it. In other words, you might be diving into something that’s just a random interest of yours, but you don’t realize it, but ultimately, it’s going to lead you to a transition to something new.”
The second step is the struggle step. This is the one nobody likes to talk about. This is where you’re starting to leave your old self or your old career behind, but you haven’t quite figured out the new one or where you’re going, and it’s very uncomfortable.
The third step is the stop step, and this is something that pulls you out of your routine. So it can be something that you choose; it can be something that happened to you. Whatever it is, it takes you out of your daily routine, but what it does is it gives you the chance to pull back and reflect and get some perspective on everything you’ve been through.
The fourth and final step is the solution. It’s what leads you to understand – “Oh, this is where I was going, and now I have arrived.”
I think we can all relate to these steps as we move and transition through the different aspects of this lifestyle. She then moves through each of these stages/steps and discusses the ins and outs of navigating through them. The step that I personally feel I have the hardest time navigating is the second step: struggle. And she absolutely gives insight into that stage that instantly helped me see how I can better tackle it in the future.
“There are things that you can do while you’re in the struggle stage that are going to actually at least sort of make it easier and help push you along. One really important thing is to reach out to what we call “weak ties.”
-Joanne Lipman
So we very often, when we’re struggling, we talk to people who are closest to us, and that’s very important, but if you want to sort of move forward, we know that if you reach out to weak ties and dormant ties, it’s actually more fruitful.
In this example, “weak ties” are people who you know a little bit (i.e. my spouse’s friend from work or my old college roommate) “Dormant ties” are people who you used to communicate with all the time and you’ve sort of lost touch (i.e. like an old boss or an old friend from high school or college).
She goes on to explain that “the reason is, when you reach out to these people, they have different information than you do and different information than those in your closest circle do. They are able to see you with fresh eyes, but they’re also able to surface opportunities that your close circle can’t. So it helps you break out of what feels like you’re just kind of stuck.”
Have you felt stuck in the “struggle” phase before? Make sure you listen to all her insights on how to navigate through all the phases during your transitions.
We go through so many transitions and changes while in this lifestyle and throughout our lives, too– both during and at the end of military life. These Day 5 conversations offered practical tips and tools for both.
Thank you for joining us throughout the week, and let us know which day and interview had the biggest impact on you.
ABOUT NORALEE
Noralee Jones has experienced all of military life – eight deployments, six PCS moves alone, and the author of the Self-Care Guide for MILSOs, she is an expert on the importance of taking the time to focus on filling our bodies, minds, and souls with our individual needs to make the most out of our lives She is currently marveling at how fast her four children are growing while balancing work as a freelance writer and speech therapist.
