Launching your child into adulthood
Launching – I love that term. It immediately makes me think this is a positive movement forward.
In this conversation, Corie expertly weaves a beautiful discussion into the adult relationships we, as military spouses, have or can have in the future, from preparing our child to leave the nest with all that is required to the intricate and sometimes emotional relationships of keeping our parents and in-laws connected in a constantly moving and changing world.
I have never seen this topic from this point of view before, but it is true. As military spouses, we move, modify, adapt, and root our families in our new environments. As well as making sure everyone on each side of the family and extended families feel connected and loved. We are the middleman, and it can be exhausting!
She talks about “playing the long game” in parenting and not worrying about the small stuff but mainly focusing on letting them know you love them and working on communication. She mentions when speaking to your child, asking yourself, “What do they need me to be?” Are they venting or asking for help?
I tried a tip this weekend on my son. He had just had an awful day on the sports field and got into the car upset and embarrassed. I used Corie’s advice by asking what he needed me to be for him. He said, “I don’t know; just be here.” It was a lovely interaction, as it gave me a clear cue of what he needed from me.
We can use this tool with our extended family and grandparents, too. Except this time, we flip it over, and instead of asking your family what they need from you, you tell them what you need from them. This way, the communication is clear, and everyone can be on the same page. I love this advice, as it takes the pressure off you completely.
Related Content: Let’s Talk About Your Relationship With Your Own Parents with Elaine Lowry Brye, video interview
When it comes to our young adults and the dynamic changes before them, she speaks about the pressure to be sure we have equipped our kids with all they need for their big launch into the world. She made a great point that, in some cases, we must prepare them to deal with relationships. By moving, our military kids often avoid conflict, personality clashes, or complicated relationships by moving themselves, or perhaps those conflicts move away from them. This can be an adjustment in the adult world if they are not moving or will be in one place for a long time.
Ultimately, her message was to give grace to yourself as a parent, your parents, and your children. Model behavior that includes humility and allow growth in all parties (even your parents can change), and lastly, show them you can change and grow too.
Managing relationships and communication are the two most challenging parts of our parenting – but Corie shares from a deep place of understanding and care.
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Joanne Holbrook is a mother of two and spouse to a United States Army Officer who has moved every two years for the past 18 years. She has lived and raised her family in South Africa, England, Germany, Australia, and across the United States, and is currently living in Hawaii. As a South African, combined with her world travels, including her 25 years of teaching in performing arts high schools, has allowed Joanne to observe culture and parenting from
multiple international perspectives.
She is the author of the four-time award-winning book “Your Passport To Parenting,” which has been translated into multiple languages, and a professional keynote speaker, parenting course creator, and facilitator who shares parenting stories to help build positive, values-based families worldwide.
Sign up for her online course IGNITE – fire up your parenting spirit at https://yourpassporttoparenting.teachable.com/
OTHER IWS23 RECAP ARTICLES:
Day 1 – IWS23 Recap: Rediscover New Beginnings with Amanda Dodson, Doula
Day 1 – IWS23 Recap: Cultivating Empathy in Early Childhood with Shermaine Perry-Knights
Day 2 – IWS23 Recap: Holistic Care for Teens with Dr. Amber Mattingly
Day 2 – IWS23 Recap: Parenting in Blended Families with Chaplain (LTC) Terrell Jones